Admitting I have a problem

This is my personal account of my experience with Postpartum Depression and Anger. I first realized that I had something more then just the baby blues when I yelled at my new born son to be quiet one night. I was frustrated and over tired. There is no excuse to my behaviour at all. No one deserves to be yelled at especially a new born who is unable to express him self other then crying. I felt terrible. What made me feel even more terrible were my thoughts. As I was looking down at him, I thought, I hate you. I want nothing to do with you ever! I texted my husband at work and told him that I was frustrated. I didnt tell him any of my thoughts at all. During the day my new born sleeps and I am left with my toddler as their Dad sleeps during the day from working night shift. What concerned me the most were my thoughts. I called our counselor and made an appointment to see her with my husband. We knew we would nee the support to get through this together. I also made an appointment with my doctor who put me on medication and referred me to the local mental health worker. The public health nurse came back to see me as well. None of them know about my thoughts at all. They are just too humiliating to share with anyone. No mother should have thoughts of hating her children. EVER. But I do. So as I start my new regiment of medication and counseling I thought that I would blog my experiences as well. Maybe getting my thoughts out here would be healthy.